Heed the Wise Zoidberg

I own volume four of Futurama thanks to a certain boy who probably has no concept of what a romantic gift would be. Well, it's still a good gift, and I'm glad I got it because something in the news last night reminded me of it.

I think we all heard that flag-burning has been outlawed in these United States. Honestly, I didn't give it much thought till last night when a news report said that several men were arrested for burning and ruining flags in a public area. Suddenly, it struck me how ridiculous it is that you can't burn a flag. (Those guys were probably arrested on account of the fact that it was public property also.) But what does that have to do with Futurama?

With the oncoming July 4th weekend, we should probably all give a little thought to what Freedom means. This question is the exact one addressed in episode 5.4 of Futurama, called A Taste of Freedom. This episode portrays Earth (the new America) and it's holiday Freedom Day (the new Independence Day). In a frenzy of excitement and celebration, our friendly alien, Dr. John Zoidberg, uncontrollably gobbles up a flag in front of a crowd (including president and etc.) at Washington D.C. Zoidberg is promptly sentenced to death.

In his defense, Old Man Waterfall (defense lawyer) makes a profound speech: No, you don't [He takes it off.] 'Cause I lost my real hand plantin' the flag when we took back Halley's Comet! Yet it was worth it. So much do I love that flag. [The court sobs.] I love it even more than I love my seven wives. That's right, I'm a polygamist. [The court boos.] Yet I would gladly eat a flag myself, had I not used my intestine as a rope to hoist a flag made of my own skin. If it would protect the freedom of the proud people who salute that flag! [The court cheers.] Freedom such as polygamy. [The court boos.] I rest my case. [He puts his hand back on. His leg falls off.] Oh, jeez!

What ensues is a world of pain when Decapod 10 (Zoidy's planet) takes over Earth and enslaves all the people. Zoidberg: Deny my freedom will you? Well we'll do to you what we did the the Squash Men of the Squash Planet! Squish them!

At the end, Zoidberg saves Earth by lighting a flag on fire to distract heat-seeking missiles. Zoidberg: Wait, people of Earth listen. Yes I'm desecrating a flag - to preserve the freedom it represents! Finally, Nixon grants him the right to eat the flag whenever he wants.

Now, come on, wasn't that a great lesson that TV taught us? The freedom that the American flag represents, which we are trying to preserve by passing this law, is the exact freedom that is at jeopardy when this law was passed. I admit burning the flag is disrespectful and perhaps in poor taste, but the symbol of it is beautiful because it shows that America truly is a land governed by its people with the freedom of expression. Sure, tons of people died for this country, but they didn't die for a piece of fabric; they died to uphold all the principles that this country stand for. Mostly, freedom.

What is this nation without the sacred right to flag-burn? A step closer to communist China? So the next time you see a flag flying high and proud, hope that one day we will once again be able to see it in flames.

(Sidenote: Freedom of expression in China, at least in the form of ridiculing the government, has significantly improved since the early 90's. General mockery is acceptable. By acceptable, I mean you won't get arrested for having a restaurant show based on the premise.)