Mean boys.

It's not hard to believe that Tina Fey dedicated a short-of-genius script to the nuances of teenage girl-ism. After all, we all have to admit, girls are (for lack of a more suitable word): bitches. If you fail to see this, you are either a hermit with no TV, or a German sausage. We were all once in high school (even worse, middle school) and we remember the ongoing rage of war that proceeded throughout our pseudo-dramatic, soapy peers. "(Insert slutty girl's name) totally hooked up with (insert stupid girl's name) boyfriend last night. She is such a slut." Yeah. Blah blah... blah blah. That's all well and good, but come to think of it, guys are quite the little gossip-mongering, catty Barbie dolls as well. Of course, by different standards.

So, as I have pondered this mysterious condition for many a day now, I have come to a few conclusions:

1. Spawn of Alfred Adler: Boys, men, young men, naturally, all fear being inferior, i.e. inferiority complex. The general overcompensation they resort to when feeling threatened is to attack the object of their fear, and to smuther it until it can no longer pose a threat. Since this can't be done physically like in the jungle, boys from a young age learn to destroy someone socially- especially when the threat is a female.

2. A Murder of Crows: Birds of a feather flock together. If a boy puts himself in a position to be pointed out as different, he may soon find himself to be ousted by his murder, leaving him vulnerable and alone. The easiest way to achieve social acceptance is to shift the target from himself to another prey. Other boys will gladly join in the derision since they also deeply fear an ousting.

3. Nice Guys Finish Last: A double crossing nature will get you far. If a guy is sneaky enough, he can both prey on an object and copy homework from him at the same time. This is considered a valued social skill which many find elusive. The popularity of the tactic, however, is brought about often by the stupidity of the prey.

4. Too Dumb to Mate: Members of a murder are often unaware of the unappealing façade of such a close-knit (maybe to the point of suspected homosexuality) group. Thus, we see an unlikelihood in the development of intimate relations where the murder tends to flock and hunt. However, when each member is dissected from his group and group-related fears, his disposition may prove to be favorable to a few females.

And there you have it. After being corralled like cattle into close, confined spaces with my peers, all I have to say is: I blame the schools.